Chapter 4 of:
The Three C's of Camping; Chaos, Calamity, Catastrophe

Have you ever been on a camping holiday with other couples, and found yourselves knee-deep in a disagreement with them? This was just such a holiday. Looking back over the years to when this happened, I must say that the majority of the disagreement was my fault. However, in my own defense, there was a culmination of events that led up to the entire incident.

It was only our second long holiday in our first trailer. This one was without the kids. We had made our way across to Reno with Bob & Olive and George & Joy, and had left it up to the others to reserve the campsite in Reno, not knowing of any sites ourselves. Great expectations can do you in, I guess.

We had heard words of praise about how wonderful the place was. The campsite wasn’t too bad, but it was our first encounter with being miles away from the bathroom. People who have pets are pushed to the far end of the park, where barking dogs don’t bother anyone. At the time, George and Joy had two beautiful Samoyeds, and Bob had a small Heinz 57 terrier.Unlike the others, Dan and I had no bathroom in our trailer, so we had to walk several rows of sites over, and up just as many, to relieve ourselves.

The group had informed us that we were very close to the airport, however, nothing had prepared us for our first morning after arriving. We had been at the casino until the wee hours of the morning, had gone back to our little trailer and fallen soundly asleep at about 4 a.m. At 8 a.m. we were shaken awake in a state of panic. Our entire trailer began to vibrate, and the noise that came with it was unbelievable. We felt as though we were under the wings of some huge 747. The jet took off, shaking everything in its path. This continued, with hundreds of passenger jets landing and taking off, for at least another two hours. Our campsite was right on the edge of the runway, and directly in line with the flight path for the airport. So, our first night of sleep consisted of three or four hours.

Tired as we were, we wouldn’t miss a chance to see Virginia City, so off we went, going through the shops and doing some more gambling. We were back by dinnertime, had a quick shower (after lining up) and were back downtown for supper, which we had to wait for. It took two hours for our names to be called for a table at the Cal Neva, just enough time to lose all our money set aside for that day’s gambling. Finally, we had dinner at about 9:30 p.m., then spent the rest of the evening waiting around for our friends so we could return to the campsite, as we had taken only one car downtown. We didn’t dare go near the tables for fear we would lose the next day’s gambling money, too.

We finally got back to the trailer around 3 a.m. after a midnight snack at a restaurant, and collapsed into a coma-induced sleep.

By now, the water we had been drinking on out trip across the US was starting to do a number on both Dan and me, and we found ourselves really worrying about being so far away from the facilities. At 8 a.m. we were jarred upright in our bed again with the now familiar roar of the jets coming and going. No way could anyone sleep through that. The need for a visit to the bathroom was now very strong, and so we made the long trek to the office and pool area where we had to line up to use the toilet and line up to use the shower. This lining up was getting to be a pain; Montezuma’s Revenge didn’t know we had to line up!

Back at the rig, we tried to get properly dressed. The stomach cramps were pretty intense, but we were ready for a new day of activity. Today was George’s birthday.

We toured all the casinos from Bally’s all the way down to the Nevada Club, and I must say we hold the record for knowing where every washroom in every casino in Reno is. Quite an achievement, don’t you think? We had lunch and headed back to the campsite.

Joy was arranging a birthday dinner for George at about 8 p.m., so we knew we were fine to have a long nap. Dan and I fell fast asleep for two or three hours; the jets overhead didn’t even disturb us.

After our nap, we took our turns in the line up waiting for the showers. Refreshed from those, as well as a long stint for each of us at the toilet, and we were ready to party all night. We got all dressed up in our best clothes, thinking it was going to be a really fancy dinner.

Off we went to George’s birthday party. We were really surprised when we ended up in the buffet line up at Circus Circus. Another line up; Joy had free tickets. We waited for a long while until we got through the turnstiles, and once inside we were faced with rows and rows of tables of food. Past that, I could see hundreds of people looking for seats allotted to them by hostesses, who either liked the look of you or hated you. So here we were, the six of us, picking out our food along the conveyor line.

The gentleman in front of me in the line must have been taking full advantage of all the free drinks given at the gaming tables, because he was swaying back and forth as he made his way down the line. He had food all over his tray already, and very little had managed to land on the plate. At first I thought he had some affliction, and I was going to offer to help him, when I realized from the aroma emanating from him that he was loaded to the gills.

As we inched our way down the line towards the hot food, the line behind me began to move faster than the line in front of me, and I found myself within a couple of inches of this man who had just begun to help himself to a huge spoonful of mashed potatoes. Almost in slow motion, the man began to sway back and forth, and at the same time started bringing the big white fluffy mound in the general direction of his plate. I watched the potatoes come off the spoon and flow downward, downward, downward through the air, past his plate, past the tray and right onto the left T-Strap of my evening dress high heel. This guy never even realized he had missed the plate, and continued merrily on his way further down the line. There I stood, with oozing white potatoes caked around the straps and across my foot. The people behind me were impatient, bumping me down the line, not allowing me any time to get the disaster out of my shoe. Due to lack of sleep and suffering from the runs, I could feel myself getting more and more agitated and could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

Finally, at the end of the line, tray in hand, mashed potatoes now drying and caking into my foot and shoe, I realized I had the urge to once again visit the john (and probably line up). Just then, a tall hostess approached. As we all stood there balancing our trays with ever-cooling food, we told her we needed a table for six. She abruptly turned her back on us and scurried away. Several minutes later she returned only to tell us that we would have to wait about five or ten minutes before we got a seat because she had no vacant tables.

Well, at that very moment I could not contain myself any longer. Something snapped, and I did something I never do. Very calmly, so as not to end up throwing my tray, I found the closest shelf and put my tray on it. I abruptly turned, while my buddies were anxiously waiting for a table, and walked out of the buffet.

At first I don’t believe they even noticed I was gone. With tears streaming down my face, I headed for the closest washroom where I first used the facilities (first time there was no line up), which I urgently needed. Secondly, I removed my shoe and began scraping all the potatoes off both my nylon and my shoe, attempting to restore my shoe to its original condition. My face was a mess from so many tears, so I took the time to hide for a little while longer and apply fresh makeup. I knew that I could not face that buffet again, and I also knew I would be blamed for ruining George’s birthday supper. I wandered around the casino tables for a while until my husband finally caught up to me. The rest of the party had continued on after they had eaten, doing their own thing.

At about midnight we all met and headed back to the campsite. Things were very cool between us, and we all went to bed in silence.

The next morning we left Reno early. The planes were just starting up as we pulled out of the campsite. We made several stops along the way that day, which was a blessing because our condition wasn’t any better, if anything it was worse. We all spoke with each other, but the conversation was on the cool side. George thought I had ruined his birthday and he was hurt. Everyone was feeling hurt, I was sure me most of all.

Bob was our caravan leader, and he had decided to take us northwest using a new highway. The scenery was wonderful and took us along a series of lakes. We pulled into a place called Scott Lake for the first night.

Not being our night to cook, Dan and I took a long walk through the woods. It gave us a chance to unwind ourselves after the stress of Reno. We were both not well with the diarrhea, as well as no sleep and the intense heat that was unexpected for this time of year.

After dinner, we all went to bed early. The peacefulness of the forest campsite was most welcome, and sleep was easy to come by that night.

The next morning we were on the road again early. Dan was fine with everyone, but I could not help but feel the coolness towards me, and so conversation was minimal. Bob, our leader, once again led us through some pretty spectacular scenery, both rugged and forested along with the occasional stretch of arid country. Throughout the day with our many, many pit stops we were always in close proximity to a lake.

Close to 3 p.m. the boys decided over the radio that the next campsite they saw we would pull into. We were now winding our way along a stretch of highway that skirted a beautiful turquoise lake called Clear Lake whose shores lapped up against a half dozen quaint little fishing towns along the way. We pulled our rigs into an RV park called Pat’s Place.

The place was pretty run down, but was already full of trailers. The proprietor was a wonderfully friendly character, and did not want to turn anyone away. She reminded me of Tug Boat Annie. The park was already full, she told the guys, but she said she had a piece of property straight across the highway that three trailers could fit on just perfectly. It was right beside the wharf, right down on the water in a mango grove, and there were electrical hook-ups there. Without even thinking, the fellows took the spot for two days!

It took us all of twenty minutes to set up our rigs in this spot. It was right on the water, and in amongst the low hanging branches we could hopefully find some shade.

We were all hooked up when Dan and I realized what a predicament we had gotten ourselves into. Here we were parked in a very secluded little spot across from the campsite and the bathrooms, and between those bathrooms and us was a major highway! We would have to be making the fifty-yard dash over this highway quite a bit. Almost as though our kidneys and bladders had been given a challenge, we both had to make a beeline across the highway right then and there.

We made our way back to the trailer to find that Bob and Olive were trying to rest in the afternoon heat, and George had drawn all the curtains in their trailer (apparently to cool it down), but of course I felt it was to keep me away after the slight he was still feeling. So Dan and I proceeded to sit the rest of the afternoon by ourselves in silence. Dan was also feeling left out now, this just wasn’t the way we were used to being treated by our friends.

It was our night to cook, so we barbecued. Everyone met for dinner, ate, did the dishes and retired to their own trailers. Not much was said the entire time we were all together. There were ducks on the lake and they were all looking for food around the shore. But as night drew nearer, the bug population began to swarm. The ducks were in their glory as they had their feast. It was not long before the neon sign (hanging above the wharf) that said "Pat’s Place R.V. Camping –We Sell Bait" was completely covered with bugs. The bugs made it an easy excuse for everyone to call it an early night and so we all retired to our own rigs.

The next morning early, I did the fifty-yard dash over the highway. While I was there, I looked in on the showers. They were not used often, if ever. More than likely most rigs had their own facilities. Later, I found I had to dislodge several families of spiders, along with years of their webs, from the shower stalls just to take a shower. But it is amazing what a shower can do! I actually felt like I was part of the human race again.

After playing chicken with the traffic and making my way back to our little oasis, I found out that everyone had decided to go to some garage sales in the closest town. This tended to warm up everyone’s mood. We enjoyed the rest of the day and the food that Bob and Olive cooked that night. The bugs once again made an early night for all of us.

As the trip continued north our condition improved (we were now using bottled water) and our friendship once again became as close as before. By the time we reached Anacortes we were able to all play golf without worrying about the closest toilet, and by this time were all laughing about our golfing abilities.

I’m please to say that even after these twenty-five years we are still best friends and still camp together every year. Bob and Olive have now passed away, but over a campfire at night we reminisce with whichever people happen to be with us that particular year about the great experiences we have had together including the mashed potatoes and Pat’s Place. On a last note, as soon as we got home that year, we sold the little trailer and bought one with a bathroom